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SavageKitsune
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Joined: 19 Apr 2009
Posts: 509
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 Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 10:51 pm Post subject: |
 #41 |
Your reactions all sound perfectly normal to me. You are in the midst of a lot of changes, some of them painful, and it's to be expected that you are confused and that your emotions are all over the place. It's okay.
Give yourself permission to feel sad, and angry, and go ahead and wallow some.... your reasons for feeling these things (and whether or not they are "justified" or make sense) don't matter- "it is what it is" (as I was once told once by a shrink buddy), so just own it and feel it.
With some time, the waters will clear and you will be able to think more objectively.
I personally would be careful in the interim about making any additional serious decisions, and saying things to anyone that can't later be unsaid.
It does sound like you have unfinished business with your coach. Maybe a healthy relationship can be salvaged, albeit a different one than you had before. If not, it may still be beneficial to thank him for everything he's done for you and let him know how much you appreciate and value that. You could also be straight about the fact that he really hurt you by saying X and Y. But this talk (or letter) might be best delayed till you're a little "clearer".
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Physical education is the fundamental discipline of life, but it is actually despised, neglected, and taught intellectually, because the true intent of our schools is to inculcate the virtues of cunning and calculation which will make money...... The establishment is a class of physical barbarians.... they do not know how to transform money into physical enjoyment. They were never taught how to husband plants and animals for food, how to cook, how to make clothes and build houses, how to dance and breathe, how to do yoga for finding one's true center, or how to make love. -Alan Watts |
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Sistersteel
Joined: 12 Oct 2009
Posts: 57
Location: Atlanta
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| Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 8:56 pm Post subject: |
#42 |
| SavageKitsune wrote: |
Your reactions all sound perfectly normal to me. You are in the midst of a lot of changes, some of them painful, and it's to be expected that you are confused and that your emotions are all over the place. It's okay.
Give yourself permission to feel sad, and angry, and go ahead and wallow some.... your reasons for feeling these things (and whether or not they are "justified" or make sense) don't matter- "it is what it is" (as I was once told once by a shrink buddy), so just own it and feel it.
With some time, the waters will clear and you will be able to think more objectively.
I personally would be careful in the interim about making any additional serious decisions, and saying things to anyone that can't later be unsaid.
It does sound like you have unfinished business with your coach. Maybe a healthy relationship can be salvaged, albeit a different one than you had before. If not, it may still be beneficial to thank him for everything he's done for you and let him know how much you appreciate and value that. You could also be straight about the fact that he really hurt you by saying X and Y. But this talk (or letter) might be best delayed till you're a little "clearer". |
This seems to be going from bad...to worse.
I went in to lift today. I had prepared myself mentally and emotionally and was ready for all the hate that was coming my way. I was ready!
But instead...coach treats me like I had not done anything wrong at all,and completely ignores EVERYTHING he was told regarding my BJJ including my text messages to him. He then proceeds to inform me that he was in the process of submitting our applications for the American Open....mine included. Then he goes on to tell me about how he would like to go about my training these next few weeks to make sure I am on top of my game for the Open. Apparently, he has even made his decisions regarding my openers. I am supposed to be opening with 100kg clean and jerk on a torn shoulder. And I am expected to be at the facility Friday to snatch when I have not been able to snatch in weeks with my injury...
wow. Of all the reactions I anticipated, that was the LAST thing I expected.
Basically, he is not letting me walk out on the team right before a big meet. Not up for discussion. So I guess I should just cripple myself indefinitely just to score team points.
I think I'll get into a fetal position in my Gi, and hide under my bed until then. 
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SavageKitsune
3 thumbs up
Joined: 19 Apr 2009
Posts: 509
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| Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 9:32 pm Post subject: |
#43 |
Denial- not just a river in Egypt!
_________________
Physical education is the fundamental discipline of life, but it is actually despised, neglected, and taught intellectually, because the true intent of our schools is to inculcate the virtues of cunning and calculation which will make money...... The establishment is a class of physical barbarians.... they do not know how to transform money into physical enjoyment. They were never taught how to husband plants and animals for food, how to cook, how to make clothes and build houses, how to dance and breathe, how to do yoga for finding one's true center, or how to make love. -Alan Watts |
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Sistersteel
Joined: 12 Oct 2009
Posts: 57
Location: Atlanta
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| Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:02 pm Post subject: |
#44 |
| SavageKitsune wrote: |
| Denial- not just a river in Egypt! |
More like the river I'm drowning in. |
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steelduck
3 thumbs up
Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 969
Location: Helsinki, Finland - Europe
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| Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:20 pm Post subject: |
#45 |
Sounds like china.... I thought America was the land of the free... 
Just say no.... You are injured!!!!!
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Rank: Blue +4 belt under Lucio Linhares
http://painikalkkuna.blogspot.com |
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SavageKitsune
3 thumbs up
Joined: 19 Apr 2009
Posts: 509
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| Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:34 pm Post subject: |
#46 |
Making an injured athlete perform when it has a decent likelihood of injuring hir further is like killing the goose that lays the golden eggs.
No coach with half a brain cell would do that- all common decency aside- no matter how bad they want to win and no matter how little they care about their athletes' well-being. It's simply poor strategy.
Maybe if it's the Olympics or something, where the athlete can win and then retire comfortably with a bunch of lucrative endorsements to pay for the physical therapy and prescription opiates s/he's going to need for the rest of hir life. But that type of sacrifice should be up to the athlete to decide.
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Physical education is the fundamental discipline of life, but it is actually despised, neglected, and taught intellectually, because the true intent of our schools is to inculcate the virtues of cunning and calculation which will make money...... The establishment is a class of physical barbarians.... they do not know how to transform money into physical enjoyment. They were never taught how to husband plants and animals for food, how to cook, how to make clothes and build houses, how to dance and breathe, how to do yoga for finding one's true center, or how to make love. -Alan Watts |
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Sistersteel
Joined: 12 Oct 2009
Posts: 57
Location: Atlanta
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 12:23 am Post subject: |
#47 |
| SavageKitsune wrote: |
Making an injured athlete perform when it has a decent likelihood of injuring hir further is like killing the goose that lays the golden eggs.
No coach with half a brain cell would do that- all common decency aside- no matter how bad they want to win and no matter how little they care about their athletes' well-being. It's simply poor strategy.
Maybe if it's the Olympics or something, where the athlete can win and then retire comfortably with a bunch of lucrative endorsements to pay for the physical therapy and prescription opiates s/he's going to need for the rest of hir life. But that type of sacrifice should be up to the athlete to decide. |
Right now its me and my conscience really. But I assure you this. I am not competing at the American Open. I don't know how I'm going to do it or how I'm getting out of it. But I am. I'll just purposely fail the drug testing. All I have to do is have too much coffee that morning. Too much caffeine is a fail. Yes, THAT is how strict they are with the drug testing. We even undergo a complete genetic and hormonal profiling and a polygraph. A failed drug test is a 2 year suspension. Yey. I'll have 2 years to figure out my next move. Problem solved.
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slideyfoot
3 thumbs up
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 292
Location: Leamington Spa, UK
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:34 am Post subject: |
#48 |
| Sistersteel wrote: |
| Basically, he is not letting me walk out on the team right before a big meet. Not up for discussion. So I guess I should just cripple myself indefinitely just to score team points. |
That isn't up to him: its up to you. I imagine if somebody has been in control of your athletic decisions for a long time, its natural to follow their lead, but you have to put your foot down on this.
Tell him you're not going, you've made your decision, and he has to accept it: you're an adult, not a child.
Easier said than done, of course, given all the emotional implications. Nevertheless, you definitely shouldn't be getting into situations where you're trying to find excuses from within his parameters. That's over, whether he wants to accept it or not. You're the one making all the choices now.
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Tress
Joined: 01 Nov 2008
Posts: 405
Location: Virginia Beach
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 4:13 am Post subject: |
#49 |
| I agree with Slidey. You have decided not to do the meet. You even mentioned failing a drug test in order to justify YOUR decision. But you don't have to use a drug test to take it out of your hands. Your decision should be even more solid than a suspension. So rather than go to that extreme, just hold your ground and take charge of yourself. I mean you have already decided and that is that. You don't need an external justification. And on top of all that... YOU ARE HURT! |
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Sistersteel
Joined: 12 Oct 2009
Posts: 57
Location: Atlanta
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 9:46 am Post subject: |
#50 |
He knows I am sparring everyday, and knowing my coach, if you are good to "breathe", (let alone spar)....you are good to lift.
I am trying not to burn that bridge. Taking such a stand is burning that bridge to kingdom come. I guess I just want it to come from him and not from me. That way I can still reap the benefits of his expertise and apply it towards my Jiujiutsu. I reaaaally want that. Does that make sense or does it sound like a cop out?
Oh by the way slidey!!! My blog is up! I hope you guys subscribe to it. Now how do other bjj girls find it?!
http://femalemusclebjj.blogspot.com/ |
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slideyfoot
3 thumbs up
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 292
Location: Leamington Spa, UK
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 9:50 am Post subject: |
#51 |
Awesome: I'll mention that in a link on my blog tonight after training. Georgette and Leslie tend to swiftly become aware of any BJJ blogs by women, but you could also drop a comment at their respective blogs to be sure they see you.
That picture is certainly going to grab people's attention! 
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stevebuyshouses
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Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Posts: 1034
Location: Mobile, Al
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 9:54 am Post subject: |
#52 |
| Sistersteel wrote: |
He knows I am sparring everyday, and knowing my coach, if you are good to "breathe", (let alone spar)....you are good to lift.
I am trying not to burn that bridge. Taking such a stand is burning that bridge to kingdom come. I guess I just want it to come from him and not from me. That way I can still reap the benefits of his expertise and apply it towards my Jiujiutsu. I reaaaally want that. Does that make sense or does it sound like a cop out?
Oh by the way slidey!!! My blog is up! I hope you guys subscribe to it. Now how do other bjj girls find it?!
http://femalemusclebjj.blogspot.com/ |
At least make it fair.......tell your Coach that he can come roll at the bjj school against you and if he taps you then you will lift for this Open thing  
_________________
Steven Brown
www.midtownjiujitsuclub.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/midtownjiujitsu
Blue Belt
Pat Langan-Allen Hopkins-Pedro Sauer-Rickson/Helio Gracie |
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SavageKitsune
3 thumbs up
Joined: 19 Apr 2009
Posts: 509
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 9:57 am Post subject: |
#53 |
You have to decide if it's worth taking the chance or not- you could
1)Put your foot down, tell him you have decided that you are not doing this event, and you're sorry- but that you value his training and would like to continue to work with him. He will then either tell you to go to hell, or the two of you will start working on forging a BETTER relationship with a HEALTHIER dynamic than you have now. Yes, it's a risk, but if he picks B, that would be the best possible outcome.
2) You can try to continue as you are, which just doesn't sound like it's working too well for you overall.
You can flunk the drug test, but he's going to know (or at least suspect) what you did, and that may make it worse. Also, even if you don't plan to continue with competitive lifting, I don't reccommend deliberately getting a positive drug test on your record.... even caffeine... you just never know when and how that kind of thing might pop up to complicate your life later.
_________________
Physical education is the fundamental discipline of life, but it is actually despised, neglected, and taught intellectually, because the true intent of our schools is to inculcate the virtues of cunning and calculation which will make money...... The establishment is a class of physical barbarians.... they do not know how to transform money into physical enjoyment. They were never taught how to husband plants and animals for food, how to cook, how to make clothes and build houses, how to dance and breathe, how to do yoga for finding one's true center, or how to make love. -Alan Watts |
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slideyfoot
3 thumbs up
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 292
Location: Leamington Spa, UK
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 10:05 am Post subject: |
#54 |
Oh, and if you haven't already done so, make sure you get notified by email on comments. That way, you won't miss any.
If you're not sure how to do that, go to your Blogger dashboard. Click on 'settings', then 'comments'. Scroll down to 'comment moderation', then select 'always', putting whatever email you most regularly check in the relevant box.
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Sistersteel
Joined: 12 Oct 2009
Posts: 57
Location: Atlanta
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 10:57 am Post subject: |
#55 |
| Quote: |
| At least make it fair.......tell your Coach that he can come roll at the bjj school against you and if he taps you then you will lift for this Open thing |
lol
The Open thing is the second biggest meet in the country. These are the meets that prepare you for the Olympic tryouts. Very big deal.
I don't want to make this about weightlifting but the International Weightlifting Federation got rid of the 83kg weight class (in which I would typically compete) and dumped us all into one large 75+kg class. Now anyone here who has ever watched Olympic Weightlifting, will notice that typically the women who do well as superheavyweights are usually morbidly obese. So you basically have all the athletes between 165lb and 365lb in the same weight class. That is the biggest bullcrap that has ever happened to an Olympic sport.
A 360lb woman has to move 360lb just to get out of bed every morning. So its really not very impressive to me when an athlete can barely move body weight. Far more impressive to see a little 48kg female put twice her bodyweight over her head in a fraction of a second.
The current US weightlifting super heavy female national champ was 330lb at 5'7" at her best. Early this year she shattered her hip into pieces squatting light weight on a light day which ended her career as a lifter at the age of 23.
So I just wanted to give you guys an idea of what goes on in the sport, and thought I'd mention one reason, among numerous others, that have led to my present circumstances. I've built up to this moment..believe me this all did not happen overnight. Just thought I'd put that out there. |
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slideyfoot
3 thumbs up
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 292
Location: Leamington Spa, UK
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:08 am Post subject: |
#56 |
Hmm - I was about to message some of the other female bloggers with the link, but I'm getting a 'blog not found' message now. Is that because you've taken it down to work on it or something?
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Sistersteel
Joined: 12 Oct 2009
Posts: 57
Location: Atlanta
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:24 am Post subject: |
#57 |
| SavageKitsune wrote: |
You have to decide if it's worth taking the chance or not- you could
1)Put your foot down, tell him you have decided that you are not doing this event, and you're sorry- but that you value his training and would like to continue to work with him. He will then either tell you to go to hell, or the two of you will start working on forging a BETTER relationship with a HEALTHIER dynamic than you have now. Yes, it's a risk, but if he picks B, that would be the best possible outcome.
2) You can try to continue as you are, which just doesn't sound like it's working too well for you overall.
You can flunk the drug test, but he's going to know (or at least suspect) what you did, and that may make it worse. Also, even if you don't plan to continue with competitive lifting, I don't reccommend deliberately getting a positive drug test on your record.... even caffeine... you just never know when and how that kind of thing might pop up to complicate your life later. |
Yes. You are right as usual savagekitsune. I honestly was just talking out of my a.s.s...I don't think I could deliberately sabotage myself like that, especially with a failed drug test being published on the Official Olympic Weightlifting website and with the committee. Far bigger mess really. Not an embarrassment to coach though. He has been coaching for 40 years. The guy is in his late 60s and there was a point in time where he had athletes take drug tests for other athletes to pass the testing. Times have changed though. Now when you are tested you literally spend the whole day with the tester who will watch you take down your clothes and stare right down there while you do your business. No more "I'll turn around", or "I'll be outside" kinda thing anymore. At the PanAms this year we had our 58kg fail her drug test. Apparently her ADHD meds were a problem and it took months to clear up things with the United States Anti Doping Agency (USADA). The IWF Invests tens of thousands of dollars towards drug tests a year, and the athletes really never make anything if they are not sponsored and getting their expenses covered to where they could lift fulltime. Besides, its not like a superheavyweight female Olympic gold medalist is going to get endorsements of any kind. What the hell is a gold medal going to do for an athlete after it all said and done, and you make your country and your coaches proud...and you are left with diabetes and heart trouble and 100lb worth of extra fat...
Its hardly a lucrative outcome. But an Olympian does not think of all that,They are brainwashed. They have not seen the outside of the Olympic training center since they were children. That is their one and only goal in life, is making it to the Olympics.
Another thing. Politics are everywhere. A big part of me does not want to upset coach because I am not exactly one of his favorites. In fact, I am far from it. I am probably the only lifter on the team that does not serve as eye candy. So needless to say coach is far more caring and considerate of his favorites, and his favorites are not necessarily good lifters. In fact, his favorite is our 53kg. She is the least gifted among us. Never even scored team points. Yet she has everything paid for. He even sends her to weekly yoga to improve her mind muscle connection.
So I have to think twice before I piss him off most of the time. On a bad day he will hollar so loud you'd think he was going to hit you with a bumper plate. I have never been one to function under that kind of stress. Yelling at me only makes me want to do NOTHING. A pat on the back, and I will gladly walk the ends of the earth for you. Just the way I am.
Sorry for the rant. This thread has turned into my personal diary. lol
Last edited by Sistersteel on Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:30 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Sistersteel
Joined: 12 Oct 2009
Posts: 57
Location: Atlanta
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:25 am Post subject: |
#58 |
| slideyfoot wrote: |
| Hmm - I was about to message some of the other female bloggers with the link, but I'm getting a 'blog not found' message now. Is that because you've taken it down to work on it or something? |
no i didn't take it down 
I think I might have messed something up while messing around with the colors.
oh no.
let me check it. |
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Sistersteel
Joined: 12 Oct 2009
Posts: 57
Location: Atlanta
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slideyfoot
3 thumbs up
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 292
Location: Leamington Spa, UK
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| Posted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:43 pm Post subject: |
#60 |
Ah, cool: added an 'in'. 
I'd also suggest (mainly because its fun  ) trying out services like Google Analytics and StatCounter (both are free to use). That helps you work out what posts people are reading, when, and where they're coming from: StatCounter can give you the specific referring url that led them to your blog.
Pretty simply to install them, as its just a chunk of HTML you shove into a block on the blog. You can do that easily from the Blogger dashboard: go to 'layout' and 'page elements', then 'add a gadget'. Select 'HTML/JavaScript', then dump the code that Statcounter and Google Analytics give you for tracking, and you're good to go.
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