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Aggressive Partners

I am still very much a beginner as in technically have been doing Jiu Jitsu for 6 months but there was a 3 month break.  In our gym, beginners train separately from advanced students so that we can drill for the full class and then do very very light rolling afterwards with no submissions. 

Being a female means that generally if there is another female in the beginner class, we pair up.  There is a new girl that started at the beginning of the year that seems to take a bit longer to catch on to most techniques (no judgement but she tends to be the last one in the class to "get it").

Lately she has started to get very aggressive when trying a new move to the point where I am concerned of injury.  I have tried to nicely mention that she needs to slow it down a little because of injuries or something but she doesn't seem to get it. 

I feel weird talking to the coach about it but is that the best way to handle something like this?  She has asked me to roll with her after drilling and it only took one time for me to realize that she was super aggressive and not at all lightly rolling.  This means that I just leave after class because she will seek me out to try to roll. 

Comments

  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964
    Tell her no to rolling, and explain why
  • Logically I know that.  I am such an upfront person everywhere else but for some reason that doesn't translate into class.  I think since I am not very confident in my abilities with then translates into everything else. 

    Okay time to stop being so concerned with how they will feel and what they will think about me and just do what is best for me.  Now to keep this mindset until class tomorrow night so I don't punk out and just partner up with her.
  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964
    I know it's hard. But, you don't owe her anything. You're paying to get better, not to risk injury. You were already nice by telling her before not to go do hard.

    Be strong and just refuse.
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
  • Agreed and it is OK to talk to your coach as well...they likely know it anyway we blackbelts see everything :-)

    Seriously though they should know and talk to her for you.
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
  • Thanks!  Yea I will definitely let her know why I don't want to roll with her.  I will also mention it to my coach before class just so that if she does end up partnering with me during drills, they can keep an eye on it. 

    She seems to get really frustrated when she doesn't get something so I think that is why she starts just cranking on everything so I think that is why I have a hard time being up front with her.  You guys are right though, I need to make sure that I am getting the most out of my training and that means not rolling with her.
  • You are a consumer and you need to get what you need out of class. You are not a crash test dummy
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
  • You guys are right. I really kind of knew that but I just needed the kick in the butt :)
  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964
    Tell us how it goes
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
  • GirafaGirafa Posts: 1,231
    Now that I'm older and more injuries have passed haha i feel no shame in telling someone i don't want to roll. I used to feel bad about that but I've had one too many injuries rolling with out of control people.
    I do enjoy rolling hard though but only with folks i know won't hurt me.
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
  • stephlcurrystephlcurry Posts: 47
    edited February 8
    Yea I have been doing the very light rolling with a few different people.  One female is not really interested in rolling much at all so it is more of a just setting each other up for a specific technique.  I like it because I am using the move in a more real time than just drilling but still slow with not a ton of resistance.  Her husband is the opposite so I end up defending the whole time but he has been there long enough to know to take it easy.

    The other guy is around my same knowledge level but he will ask a lot if we need to amp it up or slow it down and so we also roll together well. 

    I am almost at the point where I feel like I know a couple of things so it is only increasing my addiction level :)
  • irishman301irishman301 Posts: 629
    You're a girl so you might not think in dude-like ways...but I would suggest getting a mouthpiece and viewing her as an opportunity to get better.

    Stronger, more aggressive people exist in the real world, so why not use the gym as a relatively safe place to practice against these people.

    As long as you got a mouthpiece in, the worst that can happen is you get banged up a little bit, but nothing that won't heal relatively quickly.
  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964

    You're a girl so you might not think in dude-like ways...but I would suggest getting a mouthpiece and viewing her as an opportunity to get better.

    Stronger, more aggressive people exist in the real world, so why not use the gym as a relatively safe place to practice against these people.

    As long as you got a mouthpiece in, the worst that can happen is you get banged up a little bit, but nothing that won't heal relatively quickly.

    When I have an injury,i refuse to roll with most women. High belt males from my experience are more careful than high belt females when they know you're injured (i don't roll with low belts if I'm injured)
  • You're a girl so you might not think in dude-like ways...but I would suggest getting a mouthpiece and viewing her as an opportunity to get better.

    Stronger, more aggressive people exist in the real world, so why not use the gym as a relatively safe place to practice against these people.

    As long as you got a mouthpiece in, the worst that can happen is you get banged up a little bit, but nothing that won't heal relatively quickly.

    While I understand what you are saying, I am still new and quite a bit older than a lot of the new people so what is just a matter of getting a little banged up for some people is enough to keep me from working one of my two jobs.  That is not something that is going to work in my life.  A mouthpiece won't save torn tendons, ligaments, etc. when she decides to throw her body back into an arm bar. 

    I do roll with one guy who is a lot more aggressive but in a controlled way.  I end up with a few bruises and some sore muscles but some ice and ibuprofen take care of it.  As my rolling time increases, I would be more willing to roll with someone like her because I would be able to defend it better but for now, I just can't take that chance.
  • irishman301irishman301 Posts: 629
    I gotcha...You do have a point. I am fortunate in that if I get hurt, I'm still good to go (the perks of being self-employed :) ). My biggest fear is getting a tooth or 2 knocked out. You would think that in 6 years, I would've finally gotten a mouthpiece like I keep saying I should!
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
  • Hi, it can be challenging dealing with anyone who is too aggressive or, more likely, uncontrolled and spazzy. Especially if you are also new and don't have the authority of experience to instruct.

    If I were in your shoes, I would approach the head instructor privately. He or she can do subtle things to help like watch you drill/roll and coach her to calm down, or just do the move as taught so you can practice it, or pair you up with someone else so you can "experience a different body type."
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
  • gjj4lifegjj4life Posts: 303
    Getting a mouthpiece is good advice but I disagree that it will protect you from serious injury. You can get more than just banged up in plenty of places other than your mouth.
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
  • I just have to update. I went to class last night and ended up partnered with the same girl.  At first we were working basic positioning drills so nothing major.  Right before we got into chokes, I mentioned slowing down a lot because at my age, an injury can really affect my ability to work and therefore afford to live.  I am so glad that I did because she was totally cool about it and made sure that she was drilling much more politely, haha.

    Then our ages came up and I realized that I am literally twice her age.  Sheesh!!  How am I really rolling around with kids my daughter's age???  I do not feel like I am 42 at all, haha!
  • scifigalscifigal Posts: 1,941
    Hahaha Steph I hear you! I'm 40. One of my training partners is 20. He freaked out a little when I said I was 40. :D
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
  • Just ride out the storm. I roll with a few dudes who used to beat the living crap out of me everyday. Literally, at one point, I was driving to class and I would get sick thinking about the beat downs I was going to get; however, your technique will improve,and you'll survive. Then you'll get the better of them,eventually. Though, if it's coming to a point where you're genuily concerned about your well-being, alert you professor.This is not a tough guy sport, this is a sport about technique. For inspiration, look at Marcelo Garcia roll with Ben Askren.
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
  • I would just like to note, I'm 22. When I have people at BJJ tell me they are 40 or older, I can't believe it. Everyone just seems so youthful, both mentally and physically. I think BJJ keeps you young if you train right :)
  • I would like to clarify that these ages aren't old ^^
  • I definitely feel the difference between being in my 30s then when I was in my 20s. I imagine this trend will stay the same as the decades pass.
  • Wait till your 50's - remembering when you were in your 30's and a superman!
  • Haha it is so weird to me now when I am hanging out with someone and then I realize that I am the same age as their parents.  I don't know if that speaks of my immaturity or the other person's maturity. 

    Maybe we just meet in the middle. 
  • EricEric Posts: 873

    I definitely feel the difference between being in my 30s then when I was in my 20s. I imagine this trend will stay the same as the decades pass.

    I am close to 34 & feel better than 24. Take care of your body & it takes care of you ;)
  • Eric - agreed but enjoy your thirties...somewhere in your forties things will change.  for me this was about 45 or so (suddenly I lost fast twitch muscles I had always had...and joint injuries seem to be more common).   This impacted my stand up martial arts much more than BJJ however....had to pretty much give up head kicks, kick boxing, TKD sparring etc.  

    So far my fifties have been somewhat challenging but just keep grinding.  That said every day I surprise people at my age they think I am MUCH younger than I am...and my core physical and cardio condition is good...remarkably so.
  • EricEric Posts: 873

    Eric - agreed but enjoy your thirties...somewhere in your forties things will change.  for me this was about 45 or so (suddenly I lost fast twitch muscles I had always had...and joint injuries seem to be more common).   This impacted my stand up martial arts much more than BJJ however....had to pretty much give up head kicks, kick boxing, TKD sparring etc.  


    So far my fifties have been somewhat challenging but just keep grinding.  That said every day I surprise people at my age they think I am MUCH younger than I am...and my core physical and cardio condition is good...remarkably so.
    Headkicks are overrated anyway. Sure they look great but for all other reasons highly impractical. When you think about it it makes as much sense as punching someone in the foot.

    Genetically speaking, I seem to have been given a pretty good card.

    And I bet you do look younger than your age, which is GREAT, excercise like combative arts and yoga contribute to your youthful vigor along with healthy eating of course.

    Love my life ;)
  • jthomas1600jthomas1600 Posts: 555
    Since this thread has gotten slightly sidetracked I'll echo Christiancastleman; getting old for me happened pretty quick around 47/48. I recall as late as 43/44 feeling like whatever I had lost in reaction time, quickness, athleticism, etc. I made up for by being a little craftier and a whole lot grittier. I think most guys in their 30's who lament about being to old for this stuff are doing themselves a great disservice by pounding that mantra into their heads. If you "think" you're too old...you will become that way. Really I think your 30's are the perfect crossroads between young and athletic and tough and gritty. 
  • Sometimes it's difficult to know in the beginning when the person is aggressive enough when you haven't roll yet, then becomes a recipe for injury when it turns out to be true, which I had encountered (and paid for with my neck), but in your case I strongly believe that you should avoid that person. you want to get more years out of your bjj training and not sit or quit due to injuries.
  • Just ride out the storm. I roll with a few dudes who used to beat the living crap out of me everyday. Literally, at one point, I was driving to class and I would get sick thinking about the beat downs I was going to get;

    Lol, Pretty much the same feeling I have, whenever I drive to training, I get sweaty palms and pounding heartbeat when thinking about how I'm going to be smashed all night. But after training, I always feel great and satisfied that I trained (when no injuries came).
  • elrithelrith Posts: 97
    I tell people like this "no" when they ask to roll. If they ask why then I tell them why. If they promise to slow down on submissions I tell them I'll roll with them a few months later and we will see then. Even if EVERYONE has a partner for open mat except for us two I will decide not to roll. If coach ask what the problem is I tell will tell him. 

    Simple. A little awkward, I'll admit, but it has to be done. 
  • stephlcurrystephlcurry Posts: 47
    I did talk to her and we will still drill something together but she knows that I won't roll with her.  She still asks but I tell her no every time.  I am competing in May in gi and she is strictly no-gi so I have told her between her aggressiveness and the no-gi thing, I would rather roll with others.
  • rediskarediska Posts: 1,265
    Bla bla bla someone doesn't want to roll. That's fine, not like you can be forced to roll in a civilised society. Oh wait, some gyms are the exception, but we won't delve into that right now. You can still drill all day or use semi-resistant sparring for position. For example, stephlcurry has got me in a kimura from the north south, but I am holding on with a Gable grip. Can he finish it? One option is to abandon Kimura and switch to armbar. If he manages to separate my hands, there is a wristlock sitting right there. Can I escape before he gets me?
    I want to work on throws into submissions from standing. I already have a basic understanding of throwing mechanics so how about we throw each fifty times each? Once on the ground you can take any submission or guard pass or halfguard pass to submission you want. Fifty throws each.

  • EricEric Posts: 873

    I did talk to her and we will still drill something together but she knows that I won't roll with her.  She still asks but I tell her no every time.  I am competing in May in gi and she is strictly no-gi so I have told her between her aggressiveness and the no-gi thing, I would rather roll with others.

    Excellent approach. From personal experience I can tell you that not everyone is meant to roll with everyone all the time. I just say no thanks & if I choose to roll with someone tell them what kind of training I am interested in. Quality individuals have always respected my wishes.
    Thanked by 1stephlcurry
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