Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Sign In with Facebook

In this Discussion

Child doesn't understand BJJ is fighting...

Has anyone else had this experience? I'm seeking advice. My son just turned four in December '16. I only recently got parental rights and the right to see him. His mother's family raise him to never be rough or do anything even remotely violent, like football, tee ball or especially dodge ball or martial arts.

As a result, he doesn't understand that he's supposed to do take downs or mount etc. and ends up getting taken down or, as he did once, just immediately lie on his back when the other kid comes towards him. I've been trying to get rougher with him and work with him at home, but it's like he cant grasp the concept of fighting. Unfortunately, he is only able to go to BJJ once a week when I have him.

Do you think he will eventually catch on? Any advice. I took martial arts for many years when I was young and enjoyed it and I want him to enjoy it also. But more importantly I want him to learn to fight back and not be a complete push over. Thanks!

Comments

  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964
    He's young enough to teach of course. Look up Gracie bully proof. Teaches tons of fun games to play with him that will teach him in the same time
  • Thanks. He's enrolled at Gracie Barra and they incorporate a little of that in the classes. If they have another Bully Proof type situation again soon, I plan to get him involved. In the meantime, I'm just trying to get him to fight back in class instead of just letting his partner knock him down every time.
  • GirafaGirafa Posts: 1,231
    Moat important thing is he enjoys what he's doing otherwise he will want to quit. Maybe jiu jitsu is not for him.
  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964
    I meant that you should look into the bullyproof games, and play them with him when you two are at home or whatever.  

    As to class, at his age it just matters that he's having fun.  If he wants to flop on his back, let him.  

    If you want him to go towards a certain path, the best surefire way to fuck it up is to put pressure on him.  Pressure on an activity at that age kills the enjoyment, and turns it into a task, or worse, into something he does just to impress you.

    Find creative ways to make him choose to be aggressive and reward him for when he does it.  The bullyproof games are great just for this. 




    Something like this will do a lot more for him that you may think.  It teaches him to hold and control the position, without telling him that he needs to learn it, because he just thinks he's having fun.
    Thanked by 1JitsTat
  • Cool. I didn't know about the games. I'll check them out.
  • jackjitsujackjitsu Posts: 19,353
    What mat said.  I used bully proof game with some young kids. Worked great.
    Also, the kid is 4. Dont sweat it. Make sure they are having fun, and it will come.


    Thanked by 1christiancastleman
  • GABJJgirlGABJJgirl Posts: 57
    I teach kids ages 4-13 and at that age it's very common for kids to not understand that it's about fighting, even older kids. It's totally age appropriate and healthy for him to think its about playing.
  • regaldeagleregaldeagle Posts: 290
    I think I pressured my kids too much when they were training because as they've gotten older their interest has dropped to zero.
    Thanked by 1christiancastleman
  • JitsTatJitsTat Posts: 29
    Bma_mat said it perfectly
  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964
    Try not to get too frustrated, but stick with it. A father is extremely important in a boy's life, and I'm sure you know that. He'll pick up stuff on his own pace, you can't really control what he ends up loving to do, but you sure as hell can control what he's exposed to.
  • Maybe just play a game like tip. Maybe americans call it catch? You have to chase him and grab him and hold onto him. And then he has to chase you and hold onto you. Maybe it will teach him to be physically forceful by not letting go?
  • rediskarediska Posts: 1,265
    There is more to fighting than jiujitsu. Teach the boy how to plaly chess and explain that a submission is like checkmate. I can't believe no one has suggested it yet.
  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964
    rediska said:

    There is more to fighting than jiujitsu. Teach the boy how to plaly chess and explain that a submission is like checkmate. I can't believe no one has suggested it yet.

    ... Jack, can't add some tag to his name? Forum troll maybe?. This shit is hilarious.

    Next he'll offer to teach the kids chess in his local park, under light rain and slightly wet grass
  • rediskarediska Posts: 1,265
    edited February 6
    bma_mat said:

    rediska said:

    There is more to fighting than jiujitsu. Teach the boy how to plaly chess and explain that a submission is like checkmate. I can't believe no one has suggested it yet.

    ... Jack, can't add some tag to his name? Forum troll maybe?. This shit is hilarious.

    Next he'll offer to teach the kids chess in his local park, under light rain and slightly wet grass
    Mat, your insults are annoying, but all you really do is embarass yourself. IF YOUR COACHES MISTREAT YOU, IT'S NOT MY FAULT, NOT BY ANY STRETCH OF IMAGINATION, SO STOP VENTING AT ME. 
    IT IS NOT MY FAULT YOU ARE STUCK ON BROWN WHEN YOU SHOULD BE AT BLACK
     Jack, can you explain to this guy that personal attacks are not okay?

    Meanwhile I'll stick to learning chess lore to improve myself.
  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964
    edited February 6
    rediska said:

    Mat, your insults are annoying, but all you really do is embarass yourself. IF YOUR COACHES MISTREAT YOU, IT'S NOT MY FAULT, NOT BY ANY STRETCH OF IMAGINATION, SO STOP VENTING AT ME. Jack, can you explain to this guy that personal attacks are not okay?


    Meanwhile I'll stick to learning chess lore to improve myself.
    You're embarrassing yourself. Chess lore? Haha. Hey @jackjitsu I hear you're really good at chess gameplay... But how good is your lore knowledge? Maybe you can swap classes with rediska. You teach him to play, he'll teach you ancient chess legends lost to time.
  • rediskarediska Posts: 1,265
    Mat, how about a good, old game of chess. Scared?
  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964
    I'm a recreational player. Any competitive player can beat me. But I'll bet any money you like on a bjj match with you.
  • And... derailed. Thank you for the constructive comments. I found many games and won't stress about the other stuff. As for chess, I'm terrible. Even after taking lessons, etc. But I'll teach him chess when he is older. He is more into Rescue Bots right now.
  • bma_matbma_mat Posts: 11,964

    And... derailed. Thank you for the constructive comments. I found many games and won't stress about the other stuff. As for chess, I'm terrible. Even after taking lessons, etc. But I'll teach him chess when he is older. He is more into Rescue Bots right now.

    Glad you found something to help. As he gets older, he'll naturally want to try the things your like, as long as you two have a good relationship with each other. Hope your boy is hitting some sick double legs soon!
  • honkytonkhonkytonk Posts: 225
    I wouldn't worry about it hes four the only thing that is important is that he enjoys it and keeps going.Its not like hes going to the mundials any time soon.If he sticks around long enough he will get good he might develop one of those sneaky passive styles where you think your passing his guard and then you wake up.
  • honkytonkhonkytonk Posts: 225
    p.s i love the rediska he brings me happiness!!!
    Thanked by 1rediska
  • jthomas1600jthomas1600 Posts: 555
    If it's not too late to get this back on topic -- my first thought was "he's four, I hope he doesn't think it's about fighting". All these "bully proof" games are like the Karate Kid "wax on wax" off deal only fun. Let him play, train his body to move right, develop his character and confidence, make good friends, etc. Fighting will come in it's own time. 
    Thanked by 2taketheback MrSteve
  • Agreed 4yrs old - have some activity and play.  I would not push that a kid get serious about Martial Arts or any other sport for that matter for years yet mate.
  • scifigalscifigal Posts: 1,941
    I love the Gracie Games. If you do decide to do some home teaching, I strongly recommend watching the Parent Prep disk (it's available free online as well). I am a teacher, and I found that it actually helped me become a better teacher in non-jiu jitsu arenas because their ideas are sound.
  • EricEric Posts: 873
    edited March 13

    Has anyone else had this experience? I'm seeking advice. My son just turned four in December '16. I only recently got parental rights and the right to see him. His mother's family raise him to never be rough or do anything even remotely violent, like football, tee ball or especially dodge ball or martial arts.

    As a result, he doesn't understand that he's supposed to do take downs or mount etc. and ends up getting taken down or, as he did once, just immediately lie on his back when the other kid comes towards him. I've been trying to get rougher with him and work with him at home, but it's like he cant grasp the concept of fighting. Unfortunately, he is only able to go to BJJ once a week when I have him.

    Do you think he will eventually catch on? Any advice. I took martial arts for many years when I was young and enjoyed it and I want him to enjoy it also. But more importantly I want him to learn to fight back and not be a complete push over. Thanks!

    Out of curiosity, were you ever bullied growing up? A lot of people who get involved in the combative arts are. Certainly was one of the reasons I got involved.

    My opinion? I agree with @BMA_MAT. The most important thing is that your son enjoys it. Disguising the activities as games are a perfect way. Heck all adults are big children in my opinion so do the games with him. :)
Sign In or Register to comment.