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Aggressive Partners  

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stephlcurry
Trusted Member

I am still very much a beginner as in technically have been doing Jiu Jitsu for 6 months but there was a 3 month break.  In our gym, beginners train separately from advanced students so that we can drill for the full class and then do very very light rolling afterwards with no submissions. 

Being a female means that generally if there is another female in the beginner class, we pair up.  There is a new girl that started at the beginning of the year that seems to take a bit longer to catch on to most techniques (no judgement but she tends to be the last one in the class to "get it").

Lately she has started to get very aggressive when trying a new move to the point where I am concerned of injury.  I have tried to nicely mention that she needs to slow it down a little because of injuries or something but she doesn't seem to get it. 

I feel weird talking to the coach about it but is that the best way to handle something like this?  She has asked me to roll with her after drilling and it only took one time for me to realize that she was super aggressive and not at all lightly rolling.  This means that I just leave after class because she will seek me out to try to roll. 

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Posted : 07/02/2017 2:47 pm
bma_mat
Illustrious Member

Tell her no to rolling, and explain why

ReplyQuote
Posted : 07/02/2017 3:08 pm
stephlcurry
Trusted Member

Logically I know that.  I am such an upfront person everywhere else but for some reason that doesn't translate into class.  I think since I am not very confident in my abilities with then translates into everything else. 

Okay time to stop being so concerned with how they will feel and what they will think about me and just do what is best for me.  Now to keep this mindset until class tomorrow night so I don't punk out and just partner up with her.

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Posted : 07/02/2017 3:18 pm
bma_mat
Illustrious Member

I know it's hard. But, you don't owe her anything. You're paying to get better, not to risk injury. You were already nice by telling her before not to go do hard.

Be strong and just refuse.

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Posted : 07/02/2017 3:36 pm




christiancastleman
Noble Member

Agreed and it is OK to talk to your coach as well...they likely know it anyway we blackbelts see everything 🙂

Seriously though they should know and talk to her for you.
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Posted : 07/02/2017 6:41 pm
stephlcurry
Trusted Member

Thanks!  Yea I will definitely let her know why I don't want to roll with her.  I will also mention it to my coach before class just so that if she does end up partnering with me during drills, they can keep an eye on it. 

She seems to get really frustrated when she doesn't get something so I think that is why she starts just cranking on everything so I think that is why I have a hard time being up front with her.  You guys are right though, I need to make sure that I am getting the most out of my training and that means not rolling with her.

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Posted : 07/02/2017 7:33 pm
stevebuyshouses
Illustrious Member

You are a consumer and you need to get what you need out of class. You are not a crash test dummy

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Posted : 07/02/2017 7:55 pm
stephlcurry
Trusted Member

You guys are right. I really kind of knew that but I just needed the kick in the butt 🙂

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Posted : 07/02/2017 8:56 pm




bma_mat
Illustrious Member

Tell us how it goes

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Posted : 07/02/2017 9:59 pm
Girafa
Noble Member

Now that I'm older and more injuries have passed haha i feel no shame in telling someone i don't want to roll. I used to feel bad about that but I've had one too many injuries rolling with out of control people.
I do enjoy rolling hard though but only with folks i know won't hurt me.

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Posted : 07/02/2017 10:41 pm
stephlcurry
Trusted Member

Yea I have been doing the very light rolling with a few different people.  One female is not really interested in rolling much at all so it is more of a just setting each other up for a specific technique.  I like it because I am using the move in a more real time than just drilling but still slow with not a ton of resistance.  Her husband is the opposite so I end up defending the whole time but he has been there long enough to know to take it easy.

The other guy is around my same knowledge level but he will ask a lot if we need to amp it up or slow it down and so we also roll together well. 

I am almost at the point where I feel like I know a couple of things so it is only increasing my addiction level 🙂

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Posted : 08/02/2017 2:17 pm
irishman301
Honorable Member

You're a girl so you might not think in dude-like ways...but I would suggest getting a mouthpiece and viewing her as an opportunity to get better.

Stronger, more aggressive people exist in the real world, so why not use the gym as a relatively safe place to practice against these people.

As long as you got a mouthpiece in, the worst that can happen is you get banged up a little bit, but nothing that won't heal relatively quickly.

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Posted : 08/02/2017 2:34 pm




bma_mat
Illustrious Member

You're a girl so you might not think in dude-like ways...but I would suggest getting a mouthpiece and viewing her as an opportunity to get better.

Stronger, more aggressive people exist in the real world, so why not use the gym as a relatively safe place to practice against these people.

As long as you got a mouthpiece in, the worst that can happen is you get banged up a little bit, but nothing that won't heal relatively quickly.

When I have an injury,i refuse to roll with most women. High belt males from my experience are more careful than high belt females when they know you're injured (i don't roll with low belts if I'm injured)

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Posted : 08/02/2017 2:40 pm
stephlcurry
Trusted Member

You're a girl so you might not think in dude-like ways...but I would suggest getting a mouthpiece and viewing her as an opportunity to get better.

Stronger, more aggressive people exist in the real world, so why not use the gym as a relatively safe place to practice against these people.

As long as you got a mouthpiece in, the worst that can happen is you get banged up a little bit, but nothing that won't heal relatively quickly.

While I understand what you are saying, I am still new and quite a bit older than a lot of the new people so what is just a matter of getting a little banged up for some people is enough to keep me from working one of my two jobs.  That is not something that is going to work in my life.  A mouthpiece won't save torn tendons, ligaments, etc. when she decides to throw her body back into an arm bar. 

I do roll with one guy who is a lot more aggressive but in a controlled way.  I end up with a few bruises and some sore muscles but some ice and ibuprofen take care of it.  As my rolling time increases, I would be more willing to roll with someone like her because I would be able to defend it better but for now, I just can't take that chance.

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Posted : 08/02/2017 2:50 pm
irishman301
Honorable Member

I gotcha...You do have a point. I am fortunate in that if I get hurt, I'm still good to go (the perks of being self-employed 🙂 ). My biggest fear is getting a tooth or 2 knocked out. You would think that in 6 years, I would've finally gotten a mouthpiece like I keep saying I should!

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Posted : 08/02/2017 4:39 pm
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